\nMARK SISSONS <\/p>\n
Special to The Globe and Mail<\/p>\n
‘Body of Canadian businessman found hacked to pieces in Shanghai alley.”<\/p>\n
Not exactly the way I want my 15 column inches of fame to read. But as the gangster’s fingers approach my ankles, it wasn’t looking good.<\/p>\n
Three hours after arriving in Shanghai, I’m in a taxi weaving through the neon labyrinth of China’s largest city. The driver has promised to deliver me to a pub near my hotel where I can take the edge off my jetlag. Instead, he deposits me in the middle of a dark alley.<\/p>\n
“Beer here,” he says, jabbing his finger to a shabby doorway. I ask him to wait while I check it out. I find a deserted room with a bar, a shabby couch, and a plastic coffee table. A lone fluorescent bulb dangles overhead. I’m about to leave when a weedy little bald man appears. The barman. He smiles as I walk out the door. No more taxi. I’m lost in Shanghai.<\/p>\n
I return and ask the barman to call me a cab. He nods while he pours me a pint of brackish ale. Just then, in walks a Shanghainese homeboy, all blinged out, a cigarette dangling from a cocky sneer. He’s accompanied by a sumo-sized posse of three. Now I’m lost in Shanghai with the triads.<\/p>\n
“You want nice girl?”<\/p>\n
“No thanks. Just leaving,” I say, draining my pint.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"http:\/\/images.theglobeandmail.com\/archives\/RTGAM\/images\/20070330\/wxblog31\/travillus230.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
Too late. A sallow teenager in a cheap cocktail dress wearing too much makeup appears, looking terminally bored. The barman pours me another pint, mixes the girl a fruity little “lady drink,” and then produces a plate of stale nuts. Ten minutes later, I ask for the bill. It’s 500 American dollars.<\/p>\n
“There must be some mistake,” I stutter, pointing to the tally. My pulse is already racing. <\/p>\n
“No mistake,” hisses Homeboy, exhaling a cloud of smoke in my face. “You pay for drinks, food and girl’s time. $500.” <\/p>\n
As the gravity of my predicament sinks in, I accept a cigarette from Homeboy, figuring it might be my last. Fifteen hours ago I was sipping a latte in Vancouver Airport’s international departures terminal. Now, I’m all alone on the far side of the planet getting shaken down by Chinese gangsters.<\/p>\n
“I haven’t got it,” I reply, my voice cracking. I show him the contents of my wallet — about $40.<\/p>\n
“Credit card? We go to bank machine. You take out money.”<\/p>\n
As a caution, I had locked my credit card in the hotel safe, along with my ticket and passport.<\/p>\n
“Stand up,” he barks, growing agitated. I comply, and he pads me down like a movie detective while his gang watches. I’m clean. This fleece is evidently not golden. Relief washes over me. Surely, now they’ll be satisfied to take my $40 and let me go.<\/p>\n
“Take off shoes,” he growls. Relief turns to panic. Before I left the hotel, I stuffed a wad of bills into my sock and wedged it beneath the arch of my foot. Emergency funds, in case I got mugged. It’s a safe assumption that when Homeboy finds it he’s going to be very disappointed in me for lying to him.<\/p>\n
I’m visibly shaking now as I remove my shoes and step up onto the coffee table. Homeboy’s fingers run over my ankles, and across the top of my stocking feet, brushing within a millimetre of my cash stash. Nothing.<\/p>\n
Homeboy barks an order at one of his goons, who goes outside (to fetch the choppers, I reckon). Then, inexplicably, Homeboy starts laughing and smiling at me. “Okay, you go now. No problem.” <\/p>\n
I’m dumbfounded. One minute I’m mentally composing my obituary. The next, I’m tying my laces as fast as I can. We head outside together to wait for the cab they’ve called for me. In a moment, it pulls up. Handshakes all around. Grins and more laughter, like they’re seeing an old comrade off. As I climb in (and lock the door), he sticks his face up to the window and grins. “Have good time in Shanghai!”<\/p>\n
I plan on doing just that after I stop hyperventilating.<\/p>\n
http:\/\/www.theglobeandmail.com\/servlet\/story\/LAC.20070331.BLOG31\/TPStory\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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